Yeah, What She Said...

I love Catherine, not in that way, but you know.

Speaking of which...yesterday I went to my friend's ultrasound and before I met up with her I went to the gift shop at the hospital. I decided I would get her a pink hat and a blue hat. You know the hats I'm talking about, right? Those newborn hats that, really, do they ever fit a baby's head? I did not think my children had freakishly large heads, despite the episiotomies (which is a post for another time and another place), but I could not get one of those hats to stay on either of them. They just would slide up, up, up their forehead and POP! Off they would come...the hats, of course, not the heads.

Anyway, I digress. As I took the hats up to the lady at the counter she commented on the two hats and I replied "We're going to find out the sex of the baby today", which, since I am not pregnant made it sound like it was 'our' baby. My friend and I. Who is another woman. And while at the risk of sounding like that Jerry Seinfeld episode (not that there's anything wrong with that), I had this driving need to clarify what I meant to the woman I didn't even know. I started backpedalling while at the same time having a "how do I explain this without sounding homophobic/narrow minded and snotty" conversation in my head, which I am sure made me look like I was having a seizure. She then (with a look of fear in her eyes) tried to talk me down by saying how many pregnancies there seems to be around lately (HELLO? I know that) and I replied that "Yes, a lot of my daughter's friends are pregnant"...MEANING that their friend's mothers are pregnant. The lady looked confused and said, "Oh is it your daughter's ultrasound today?" And I then ended the conversation by shooting her.

No, unless shooting invisible laser beams from my eyes counts. I just said "No, just a friend of mine" and left barely able to stop myself from shrieking "DO I LOOK THAT OLD?!?!". Of course, I then sat down, opened the newspaper I also bought and read about a 47 year old grandmother who was having a hard time covering her medical costs. That woman is only 6 years older than me. Indeed.