Moving On

So I was going to write about the lovely two night trip the girls and I took with their Nanny (my mom), and all of the wonderful time we spent together, but that would be too lovely and so far despite my best intentions to have this blog be light and happy like I want our homeschooling days to be, it isn't turning out that way.

I so desperately want to have one last baby and this last month was the LAST month for trying and it didn't work. Two healthy pregnancies, thyroid cancer, a partial molar (yuck) and two other miscarriages and here we are. It was going too easily there at first with the babies...two months of 'trying' and then two lines on a stick- voila! Then the delay with illness and more delay with the molar, and then it seemed like the expiration date was up. I am so sad that this is it and really, what right do I have to complain? Thank God we have the two perfect (in my eyes) girls that we have. They are friends, close enough in age to share so much, healthy, happy, smart, funny, brave, and beautiful. I should be satisfied and usually I am.

But I just wanted one last baby.

I wish there were clear, almost literal, signs to guide us. Ones that we couldn't overlook,,,even as I write this though, I have to roll my eyes at myself- the grocery list of 'stuff' above it pretty clear, no? Or is it our responsibility to trust and keep going? When is enough, enough? I'm just looking for one more reason to try again.