Technically it's Monday, but it's only 5:00 in morning, so that shouldn't count. In fact, since I have been awake from 3:00, it still feels very much like Sunday night, which does not bode well for the day, no indeedy.
Brent has really gotten into the "I'm on summer vacation" groove, and is staying up until all hours. He's also super busy with computer work (other people's computers) and I worry about him working too much/too hard. Of course, then he'll not rise from bed until 9:00 and that just makes me cross too...I mean you could go to bed at a reasonable hour and then get up early to work. Or maybe we could just all cut back a little bit and then he wouldn't take on all these jobs. Except he would, so maybe we should benefit from it? I don't know.
I think I'll go clean (surprise!surprise!) my house before everyone gets up, and I'm going to do up my new and improved daily schedule. I really want to start in with our more rigid routine before September, I don't want it to all hit at once. I read someone's post about making a big deal about the 'first' day of school...and of course all the anxiety of what I may be 'depriving' the girls of came bubbling up. Blah. I think I need more regular sleep, just like the girls I function SO much better with proper sleep. If I don;t have some soon I can see myself spiralling into a really dark month...
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Monday, August 4, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
A Little Piece Of Heaven
Or a little peace of Heaven...either way. We sat out under the stars, swinging on the porch swing, listening to the heavy breathing of our two sleeping girls. Happy Anniversary, I love you with all of my heart.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Eating
Another successful dinner party (actually a potluck). A relatively small house with 40 people invited is seemingly a recipe for disaster, but once again everyone fit in, laughed, brought and ate AMAZING food and all I had to do was provide the space and tidy up a bit before and after...which is a very good thing.
It was an odd day. For the first time in my memory since having children, we had a day without them. Daughter One wanted Nanny to drive her to her full day music camp and Daughter Two wanted to go with Nanny and spend the day with her. Nanny agreed! It was a great opportunity to tidy the house, but very weird. The strangest part was when I would clean up a room, it stayed clean! Imagine, no one behind me taking it all apart.
They are both sound asleep now, seconds after going to bed with sticky popsicle mouths (I forgot to wash faces- how bad a mother am I?) they were asleep. I do love those lovely girls.
It was an odd day. For the first time in my memory since having children, we had a day without them. Daughter One wanted Nanny to drive her to her full day music camp and Daughter Two wanted to go with Nanny and spend the day with her. Nanny agreed! It was a great opportunity to tidy the house, but very weird. The strangest part was when I would clean up a room, it stayed clean! Imagine, no one behind me taking it all apart.
They are both sound asleep now, seconds after going to bed with sticky popsicle mouths (I forgot to wash faces- how bad a mother am I?) they were asleep. I do love those lovely girls.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
To Everything There Is A Season
We went on a weekend camping trip to visit my relatives and just arrived home an hour or so ago. The girls had a great time playing with their only cousins and took over the campground, jumping in the river, running though the woods, all the things you would want your children to do and keep memories of. I often think that...these times with these small people seem so intense, how could they not remember all these adventures, the tastes, smells, feelings? But, of course, I have few memories of my time when I was that young, so chances are good we will all be saying in s few years "weren't we here before? Was that six or seven years ago? Was that the time you saw a fox?" and so on. Insert melancholy sigh here, because we wouldn't want it to be a happy little post about a beautiful flower or a ripe garden or forever young and innocent children.
It did grieve me to see my uncle growing so old. Here are my children visiting my uncles and aunts the exact places I did so many years ago, and until this weekend I so appreciated how their childhood was, in some ways, some very good ways, mimicking my own. But, of course, it is many years later and these same parents of my cousins whom I thought of as old 'way back then' when they were not much older than I am now, are indeed old and growing closer to the end of their visit here on earth. I could always make myself feel even worse by remembering that we never who or when someone will be lost, and I say that in the most sarcastic of ways, but, if all goes as it 'should' my children will be losing people they love on a fairly regular basis on their trip through childhood. I have very few options to offer them...I am a child of a youngest (by far) daughter, Brent is the youngest (by far) in his family. The cousins the girls are growing up with are actually third, fourth, maybe fifth or 'removed' (what does that mean?) and the aunts and uncles are either their great aunts and uncles or are really old enough to be (in some circles) their grandparents.
And here I am wanting another baby to live among the wrinklies of our family...parents included, to judge by the mirror some days. I draw a lot of comfort from Antique Mommy.
Anyway, it really was, overall, a wonderful, tiring trip. The girls barely made it into their beds tonight before falling asleep, the nighttime prayers were all ones of thanksgiving for the weekend of joys and family. God is so good, he's so good to me.
It did grieve me to see my uncle growing so old. Here are my children visiting my uncles and aunts the exact places I did so many years ago, and until this weekend I so appreciated how their childhood was, in some ways, some very good ways, mimicking my own. But, of course, it is many years later and these same parents of my cousins whom I thought of as old 'way back then' when they were not much older than I am now, are indeed old and growing closer to the end of their visit here on earth. I could always make myself feel even worse by remembering that we never who or when someone will be lost, and I say that in the most sarcastic of ways, but, if all goes as it 'should' my children will be losing people they love on a fairly regular basis on their trip through childhood. I have very few options to offer them...I am a child of a youngest (by far) daughter, Brent is the youngest (by far) in his family. The cousins the girls are growing up with are actually third, fourth, maybe fifth or 'removed' (what does that mean?) and the aunts and uncles are either their great aunts and uncles or are really old enough to be (in some circles) their grandparents.
And here I am wanting another baby to live among the wrinklies of our family...parents included, to judge by the mirror some days. I draw a lot of comfort from Antique Mommy.
Anyway, it really was, overall, a wonderful, tiring trip. The girls barely made it into their beds tonight before falling asleep, the nighttime prayers were all ones of thanksgiving for the weekend of joys and family. God is so good, he's so good to me.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Baby Blues
Brent and I keep going around in circles about the whole 'should we try for another baby?' thing. We have two beautiful girls, conceived with little/no difficulty or waiting and then we hit the road blocks. A cancer diagnosis, three miscarriages later, and we find ourselves at forty with one child less than 'the plan'.
I mean, even writing the above sentences makes me roll my eyes...if I was objective about this and reading another blog, I would tell the writer to give her head a shake. "Be thankful for all that you have, plans don't always work out, there is a reason, blah, blah, blah". I do know all this, but I am not objective and I do so want one more baby in the house.
Of course, when I get this in my head the world conspires to show me possibilities, like the forty-two year old at church who has been trying for three years and walked in today five months pregnant, and my friend with only half an ovary after ovarian cancer who is now pregnant with her second miracle child. I mean, anything is possible, right?
Right?
I mean, even writing the above sentences makes me roll my eyes...if I was objective about this and reading another blog, I would tell the writer to give her head a shake. "Be thankful for all that you have, plans don't always work out, there is a reason, blah, blah, blah". I do know all this, but I am not objective and I do so want one more baby in the house.
Of course, when I get this in my head the world conspires to show me possibilities, like the forty-two year old at church who has been trying for three years and walked in today five months pregnant, and my friend with only half an ovary after ovarian cancer who is now pregnant with her second miracle child. I mean, anything is possible, right?
Right?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
May There Always Be Lemonade
Daughter One decided to have a lemonade stand yesterday, easily the HOTTEST day we have had in a long time. I think the temperature was high 90s. Against my urge to say 'no' and with my new policy to say 'yes' as often as I reasonably can, we geared up, went to the store, bought cheap frozen canned lemonade, came home and mixed it up. Then, of course, was the sign, the table set up, umbrella, etc. and it happily became a family affair. Even the sibling 'stuff' I've seen lately dissipated as little sister became the big helper. How wonderful for my heart was it to see them sitting side by side out at the end of the driveway and watching the little one 'run errands' for books and snacks to occupy them for the two hours.
Excuse me? Yes, TWO hours she sat out there in the baking sun. Daughter Two came and went, but Daughter One sat there the whole two hours. That kid has persistence. Did I mention we live on a dead end street where only 6 people bought the lemonade? It killed me to see her out there waiting and hoping for a big lineup of people to want to buy a glass of sugared pink water. Of course, the people we phoned that came and bought more than satisfied her, but I think I would have sold the house to have that big line up appear for her.
The best part of all this though is why she did it...this was ALL for the Red Cross. She decided right off the bat that this was going to raise money for something and after some local evacuations for forest fires, the Red Cross would be the best place to help. I am a very proud Mama.
Today we were sitting in Daughter Twos music class (I know, class in July for the homeschoolers...irony much?) and I realized this was the same classroom that I had brought Daughter One as a 3 month old for her Mommy and Me music. It was just the two of us (surrounded by other more competent moms and less beautiful babies) and she was my whole world. We sang and cuddled, and the goodbye song each week was about always having sunshine, always having blue sky, always having Mommy, always having me. Every week I would tear up at this song, knowing that it would be a while before she realized, but someday she would know that there wouldn't always be us. Time passes, and nothing stays the same.
I thought all of these things as I sat in the room watching this big girl of five twirl around with her sister and looked around for that little baby and the mother that wanted to freeze time.
And still does...
Excuse me? Yes, TWO hours she sat out there in the baking sun. Daughter Two came and went, but Daughter One sat there the whole two hours. That kid has persistence. Did I mention we live on a dead end street where only 6 people bought the lemonade? It killed me to see her out there waiting and hoping for a big lineup of people to want to buy a glass of sugared pink water. Of course, the people we phoned that came and bought more than satisfied her, but I think I would have sold the house to have that big line up appear for her.
The best part of all this though is why she did it...this was ALL for the Red Cross. She decided right off the bat that this was going to raise money for something and after some local evacuations for forest fires, the Red Cross would be the best place to help. I am a very proud Mama.
Today we were sitting in Daughter Twos music class (I know, class in July for the homeschoolers...irony much?) and I realized this was the same classroom that I had brought Daughter One as a 3 month old for her Mommy and Me music. It was just the two of us (surrounded by other more competent moms and less beautiful babies) and she was my whole world. We sang and cuddled, and the goodbye song each week was about always having sunshine, always having blue sky, always having Mommy, always having me. Every week I would tear up at this song, knowing that it would be a while before she realized, but someday she would know that there wouldn't always be us. Time passes, and nothing stays the same.
I thought all of these things as I sat in the room watching this big girl of five twirl around with her sister and looked around for that little baby and the mother that wanted to freeze time.
And still does...
Friday, July 4, 2008
Moving On
So I was going to write about the lovely two night trip the girls and I took with their Nanny (my mom), and all of the wonderful time we spent together, but that would be too lovely and so far despite my best intentions to have this blog be light and happy like I want our homeschooling days to be, it isn't turning out that way.
I so desperately want to have one last baby and this last month was the LAST month for trying and it didn't work. Two healthy pregnancies, thyroid cancer, a partial molar (yuck) and two other miscarriages and here we are. It was going too easily there at first with the babies...two months of 'trying' and then two lines on a stick- voila! Then the delay with illness and more delay with the molar, and then it seemed like the expiration date was up. I am so sad that this is it and really, what right do I have to complain? Thank God we have the two perfect (in my eyes) girls that we have. They are friends, close enough in age to share so much, healthy, happy, smart, funny, brave, and beautiful. I should be satisfied and usually I am.
But I just wanted one last baby.
I wish there were clear, almost literal, signs to guide us. Ones that we couldn't overlook,,,even as I write this though, I have to roll my eyes at myself- the grocery list of 'stuff' above it pretty clear, no? Or is it our responsibility to trust and keep going? When is enough, enough? I'm just looking for one more reason to try again.
I so desperately want to have one last baby and this last month was the LAST month for trying and it didn't work. Two healthy pregnancies, thyroid cancer, a partial molar (yuck) and two other miscarriages and here we are. It was going too easily there at first with the babies...two months of 'trying' and then two lines on a stick- voila! Then the delay with illness and more delay with the molar, and then it seemed like the expiration date was up. I am so sad that this is it and really, what right do I have to complain? Thank God we have the two perfect (in my eyes) girls that we have. They are friends, close enough in age to share so much, healthy, happy, smart, funny, brave, and beautiful. I should be satisfied and usually I am.
But I just wanted one last baby.
I wish there were clear, almost literal, signs to guide us. Ones that we couldn't overlook,,,even as I write this though, I have to roll my eyes at myself- the grocery list of 'stuff' above it pretty clear, no? Or is it our responsibility to trust and keep going? When is enough, enough? I'm just looking for one more reason to try again.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Money Talks
Today the girls and I went and used up the $60.00 gift certificate I won three hundred and sixty four days ago...it was going to expire tomorrow. I decided I would use said certificate for my mother's birthday, which is also tomorrow. The certificate was for flowers...that I am presently growing piles of in my garden. Let me tell you, I would sooner eat dirt than spend a real $60.00 on cut flowers, and I must say, the ones from my garden are at least just as nice, if not more so. Anyway, they are presently on my counter awaiting transport to the church where they will limply decorate the sanctuary until mom brings them home after the service tomorrow.
Brent and I, right in the middle of this posting, had an argument. I've just spent five hours with the girls twittering around me (unlike their mother, they love to shop and look around stores and since the flower shop was in the middle of downtown we got to see everything) and once we got home and it was decided that naps were out of the question this late in the day, I told them to go outside and play (read: leave me be)while Brent was mowing the grass. Seconds after they go out and all is quiet, Brent is in to ask what we did. Um, hello? There are two little people outside perfectly able to tell you what we did and probably in a much more enthusiastic way. Sheesh. For the sake of wanting to go out ourselves tonight (woohoo!), I just want a few minutes of no talking.
Brent and I, right in the middle of this posting, had an argument. I've just spent five hours with the girls twittering around me (unlike their mother, they love to shop and look around stores and since the flower shop was in the middle of downtown we got to see everything) and once we got home and it was decided that naps were out of the question this late in the day, I told them to go outside and play (read: leave me be)while Brent was mowing the grass. Seconds after they go out and all is quiet, Brent is in to ask what we did. Um, hello? There are two little people outside perfectly able to tell you what we did and probably in a much more enthusiastic way. Sheesh. For the sake of wanting to go out ourselves tonight (woohoo!), I just want a few minutes of no talking.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Birthday
I can't believe the baby is four! What a lovely weekend of friends and food. My bella baby running around with her arms out wide loving that everyone was singing to her and not her big sister.
Happy birthday, my bella baby, I love you more than you will ever know.
Happy birthday, my bella baby, I love you more than you will ever know.
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