A Fine Balance

School is over!! I read a hilarious tongue firmly in cheek post that I forgot to save and link here, but essentially the author was wondering if we could trust parents to do anything with their children over the next two months of (gasp) no school and no 'expert' teaching them.

I arrived home after my last day of (very part time) teaching and there was daughter #1 greeting me with a "Happy Last Day of School" card that she made, which was when I happily informed her that "Maybe for everyone else it's over, but we have fun all the time so we'll be learning all the time. Our school does not end!" She was quite pleased by that and also pleased that I declared her card even more important than the twenty offerings from my 'other' five year olds that I had just brought home with me.

The sun makes such a difference, everything feels easier, more relaxed. I watch my little mothers washing and hanging their baby doll clothes up outside, prepare a nutritious breakfast and lunch to eat on the deck, have a fast game of math 'Go Fish' with Mary while Laura sleeps away the afternoon in a breeze filled room, read mountains of books on the porch swing, and I just breathe a big sigh of love, gratefulness, and accomplishment. What a great day, what a great time of year.

Not that I'm not trying my best to ruin this easy enjoyment of our newfound outdoors. Brent was hardly through the door today from his last day of school (Oh, didn't I mention that we are both public school teachers homeschooling our children? Hmmm.)and I'm like a lunatic waving the calendar declaring we must decide every trip we are taking this summer, and I want at least two camping trips so as not to waste the trailer (What does that mean? Do I think it's going to rot in the driveway for lack of use? That the waste police will take it from us?) and two trips to the beach where the girls love to run on the sand, and don't forget the total of 3 weeks of classes and camps I already have them signed up for. Plus I'm frantically emailing homeschooling friends to set up day trips during the summer months so as not to lose touch...MUST NOT lose touch with the homeschooling friends.

As always it's the balance I am struggling with. Time at home with time out 'adventuring', time with family, time with Brent, time with friends, formal learning, life lessons. Here's hoping to finding a solution...right now I am reminding myself (seemingly constantly) to enjoy the moment. But isn't that an HUGE contradiction? How can I be in the moment, if I have to remind myself to be in the moment? I'll get back to you on that.

I thought I'd post a picture (for my non-existent readers). I just love the five year old casual grace of my oldest, the concentrating sturdiness of my four (just turned!) year old. Actually the oldest was probably standing like that to prevent herself from peeing...we do like to hold it until the very.Last.Second. What fun is it unless you have to go screaming through the house to get to the bathroom?

Summer Days

SO the backyard is almost where I want it to be...swings are up (except for the two -for visitors- wah- baby swings that are laying on the ground), grass is mowed, wicker swing is up and properly cushioned (with my Grandmother's quilt! I need to get a cheap/not heirloom one replacement). All that is left is to get the fenced in garden properly weeded and sorted out, the playhouse painted and the two other wicker pieces for the lower deck.

I'm feeling very spoiled and privileged lately. We have come to a place where, as long as it's within some reason, we can buy what we'd like for our house or ourselves. I mean, not necessarily the fancy schmancy sports car and not a pony for the girls, but you know what I mean (I don't want a pony for the girls BTW, although I wouldn't hate this for tooling around town). "Let's go pick up that swing" is not something we would have said even a couple of years ago, it would have required long thinking and ultimately the choice would have to be made for that or, say, food. I so appreciate Brent's hard work at his 'regular' job and all the extra job and bartering that he does to help create this life.

Beautiful summer day today. I'm struggling with the desire to continue our (very relaxed) schooling or just forgo it altogether until September. It stresses me (a little) to have Bev phone and talk about "One more thing and we're done the math curriculum for the year", when I know math for me this year has consisted of doing (some of) the state Math guide, (some) workbook pages, and (some) games. Did you catch the subtle similarity? SOME...it really was hit or miss this year with so much. Daughter #1 would come up with some wonderful way of showing me she was learning(I know, I try to prevent it, but it keeps happening anyway) and I would happily file that away as PROOF and conveniently not get around to doing the actual work.

The biggest irony, considering how 'holistic' I make my own classroom in my (minimal) part time position, is that my PROOF is often in workbook form, which I never do in my class. I used to think, in my lofty philosophical way, that workbooks were unlike 'real' life and the children in my class would learn by doing. Now I'm homeschooling and we're surrounded by 'real' life and I drag out a workbook page to get daughter #1 to show me she is learning! Mind you, I have also discovered that she can do a workbook page in five minutes, doing one in a classroom takes sixty minutes and constant "What do I do know?" from the three students who are capable of working alone.

Time to get oldest daughter up from her nap- yes, five years old and still napping! I love it!

Judging

Today was a day with our homeschooling and not so much homeschooling friends.

Six or so years ago we all started so much in the same place and yet, when I look at the group, we have all taken such divergent paths. Two families have chosen private school, one is a 'school at home' everyday mom, we have two 'new' members, one who has a genuinely gifted child and one that I can't quite get a handle on yet. So many styles of parenting and teaching/learning. One is all for letting 'children be children', another seems afraid that they won't be friends if she's 'mean', one is 'all is perfect and we are perfect Christians'. I get so frustrated by the slack discipline, and then the too strict discipline, the big hurrahs for memorized Bible verses, the unwillingness to go outside more than once a week because someone has a head cold. Go outside, live the bible/God's words and intentions...how horrible am I? These women are my friends.

I was just talking to another mom last night and she was commenting on how judgemental mothers/women are of one another. I think it is about how we are all doing the best we can with what we have/know/understand, but because there doesn't seem to be a right way, when we see something different than what we are doing, the only option is to embrace and change, or condemn in order to justify your own choices. I feel like I am just starting to get to a point where I feel really comfortable with our choice to home school. The girls are confident, happy girls, polite, smart and nice to be around.

I have to work on that, though...I think MY way is the BEST way...come, follow me! But then I read another book/talk to someone else and think THIS way is the best way. I really have to become more accepting of the way other people choose to 'do' this parenting/schooling thing. My way (at least for this moment) is the is best way for US, right now, doesn't mean that won't change by tonight.

Mind you, last night when I saw a work full time (completely by choice- don't flame me on this, I KNOW that many do not have a choice and I am indeed blessed) mother looking like she was hating spending time with her children and "had work to get done at home" at a small group event meant to relax all the moms and dads there as their children played happily in a big, safe, yard, I just knew this path we have chosen is the right one.

Thank you, God for guiding my footsteps to bring us to this place.